ATTITUDE

   

"I'VE BEEN TRYING TO CHANGE YOU FOR 30 YEARS!" He screamed at me.

"WHY DON'T YOU TRY ACCEPETING ME?" I screamed back as I turned and ran out of the barn to the house to shower and drive an hour into town to write an exam in Counseling Theories. 

Attitude matters. A lot. How we think about things. Our perceptions. Our basic beliefs. It all affects our behaviour. 

    The Cambridge Dictionary defines attitude as: . . . a feeling or opinion about something or     someone, or a way of behaving that is caused by . . . outlook, frame of mind, approach, viewpoint, or point of view. 

To be told we have an attitude could make us feel put down. Maybe it depends on the tone of voice used. His voice was screaming over the loud barn noises that morning. Mine was just as loud. So we both had attitude. Bad attitude. Anger attitude. One thing I have hated is when he says, "when you change your attitude, we will go." Arrgh. Remember, we have had more than 50 years, more than 18 thousand days, to have some attitude, good or bad, and learn to adjust.

But what I want to say here is that our attitude is a choice. That's right - a choice. We get to choose our attitude every single day. Like putting on our clothes every morning, we can put on our attitude. Arguing and accepting are also choices. So are joy and kindness. 

We can change our attitude by changing the way we think. Yup. It's all in our head. Changing our attitude changes the way we think. This changes the way we feel. And most of us feel a lot of negative, bad things. And it comes out of our mouth and shows in our actions. When our feelings get changed, our behaviour changes also. But often this is difficult when our feelings have been so hurt that we cringe at the thought. I will address healing of memories in another post. 

So how? One day recently, I asked God if there is anything that I needed to confess. 

My attitude toward my husband was the answer. 

Ouch. So I said, 

Lord I confess that my attitude toward Ken has not been very pretty. I ignore him. I do not serve him. I speak rudely to him. My words and attitude that "it is all about me" is often in jest, but it is still not nice. Often I give him the silent treatment. We are both pretty lonely then. I have learned to say, I repent of this bad/sinful attitude as sin against my husband and sin against you God and I ask for forgiveness. I receive your forgiveness. Lord change me. Thank you Lord. 

That argument in the barn more than twenty years ago was just another typical morning as we milked our cows together. That particular day, before I left the house, I called one of the men from the group Ken was leading, crying, saying I can't take it anymore. Will you pray for me? And he did. 

Arguments happen - all the time. Asking for help is okay. Apologizing is a good thing. Acceptance is what we all want. That day was the beginning of many changes in our marriage relationship. Slowly, but changes for better. Healing had begun. 

I failed the exam. 

If we confess our sins, he is faithful and just and will forgive us our sins and purify us from all unrighteousness. (1 John 1:9 NIV).

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Doctor Christina Forster has been married to Ken, her Farmer Sweetie, for 52 years. Both are retired from their multi-generational, high profile Maplehurst Dairy Farm in Southern Ontario Canada and now enjoy travel together and grandparenting.

Chris has been blogging at Quilting at the Farm for 10 years engaging with quilters around the world. She holds a Master of Theological Studies and a Doctor of Ministry Christian Counseling. One of her passions is to see marriages restored by husbands and wives receiving healing of the heart, mind and spirit. This is done by allowing God to speak into painful memories through the finished work of Jesus Christ on the cross in the power of the Holy Spirit. She has published one book Denine: One mother's journey with a profoundly handicapped child and has several others in process.