CHILDREN

Most marriages are blessed with children. However, many marriages today have couples focusing a lot of time and energy and resources as they deal with infertility. There is the eager joy of anticipation, then the heart-break of pregnancy loss or the realization of infertility. The emotional turmoil can be devastating to a marriage relationship. Is it his fault? Is it her fault? 

And what about the infertile couple seeking adoption? The whole process takes time and resources, waiting to see if this time they will be chosen, or being rejected yet again. What about fertility clinics? The time. The cost. The drugs. The procedures. Do we do IVF or IUF? Then waiting to see if the embryos "take". A heart beat or two. Then only one. Or none. Another pregnancy loss. The physical toil. The emotional drain. 

Our choice was for me to be a full time stay at home wife and mother. This is what my mother did. This is what my husband's mother did. But our situations were unique. We grew up on the farm. Our mothers worked on the farm alongside our fathers and the children started helping out as they were able. Toddlers ran up and down between the cow mangers. Children fed cats and later the baby calves. Teens learned to drive tractors and pitch hay and milk cows. Times were not always rosy and filled with joy. Sometimes an older teen was encouraged to get a job off the farm to see how the world treated its workers. 

Children are a blessing. But so often parents, especially the moms, are so sleep deprived and worn and the dad's working long hours to support the family are often physically absent for caregiving.  I did not have a full night's sleep for nearly eight years after our children were born. 

Our dairy farm lifestyle required Ken to be in the barn every morning and every evening feeding and milking cows on a daily basis. I got the children ready for school and drove them to school for years. Suppertime was often delayed so we could eat together as a family. He missed out on a lot of time with our kids because of this. but we did have family time. We raised our children without television or computers or devices. We played games and read books. During the summer time, the children rode their bikes out to the field to take a picnic lunch to share with their dad. In the winter they skated and tobogganed and had snow ball fights. 

Our first daughter was born profoundly handicapped and required a lot of  attention and appointments. Enter two more babies, potty training, the death of their sister when they were too young to remember her. I wrote her story for our children. It is interesting, our grandchildren have been reading the book. 

How does having children affect the relationship between husband and wife? I guess a lot depends on how well we are doing as a couple with the other 25 letters.     

Cast all your anxiety on him because he cares for you. (1 Peter 5:7 NIV)