KNOW

He pulled up the stool to sit close to me. Very close.

“I love you.” He said softly.

“I love you too.” I responded just as the video call was ringing for a meeting with my accountability partners.

He said, “No. I really love you and am looking forward to knowing you better.” He quietly walked away as my meeting began.

I kind of like that. After 50+ years of marriage getting to know each other better. What a crazy idea.

Ken surprised me two years ago when he quietly announced that he was going to sell all the cows. Six weeks later, they were all sold and gone. Retirement began. The first thing that changed was that he no longer left the house at 5 am to do the farm chores that he had been doing morning and night since he finished high school a year before we got married. Chores took 2-3 hours every morning and every evening, 365 days a year.  The cows had to be fed and milked. The heifers and calves had to be fed. The barn had to be cleaned out, and that's not including all the other 9-5 work a farmer does.  

Now he started staying in bed until after 7. This totally disrupted my morning routine. I had been getting up soon after he left the house to write. I had a desk set up in our bedroom. A lamp. A kettle. But he was there. Every morning. Within reach. And he reached and touched and distracted me. And he talked. I moved my books to another room.

We are getting to know each other after 50 years of marriage, to know who we are and who we have become. Who God is transforming us to be. More in God’s image. Not the image he thinks I should be. Not the image I think he should be. It is not the same hormonal passion of the early years. It is deeper. More intimate. A knowing.

And suddenly, we are going to bed at the same time. And talking. To each other. It is kind of nice. A bit different than what we had been used to. But I like it. We are no longer talking about daily farm things. We are talking about what is this life of retirement going to look like now that he is retired. I milked cows alongside him for 18 years until I could no longer get through two hours of chores without crying from the pain in my back, for I have lived with chronic back pain my entire adult life. So he hired 14 people to replace me. Well, not all of them worked at the same time.

We are talking of investing the money from the sale of the cows and quota. We decided to open Registered Retirement Savings Plans with different financial institutions. Just for fun to see how they would compare or differ in years to come. We got a hot tub and put in a patio last year and a SonRoom this year. 

Knowing someone needs some form of communication, lots of listening and then responding and gauging the reactions along the way. We've found that, if the intent of our heart is always to encourage and build each other up, then our shared knowing can become great building blocks to a stronger, lasting marriage. And, we are talking as we write and edit these blog posts. How fun is that? 

Is there any encouragement from belonging to Christ? Any comfort in his love? Any fellowship together in the Spirit? Are your hearts tender and compassionate? Then make me truly happy by agreeing whole heartedly with each other, loving one another, and working together with one mind and purpose. Don't be selfish; don't try to impress others. Be humble, thinking of others as better than yourself. Don't look out only for your own interests, but take an interest in others, too (Phil 2:1-4 NLT).

 .