We survived menopause. Many marriages do not. You cannot stay married for 50 years without passing through this transition time of life. In our mothers’ time, it was not talked about. It was the “silent passage”. How can it be silent when everything inside is screaming in the midst of “the change”?
There is a jingle I have tweaked about the seven dwarfs of menopause. Itchy – bitchy – sleepy – weepy – sweaty – depressed – and I forget the rest. The menopause season is easy peasy for some women and a nightmare for others. Ours was the night mare. For 5 years.
What exactly is menopause? I am glad you asked. Menopause is the word given when a woman no longer has a monthly menses – monthly bleed. So, what’s the nightmare all about?
I started menstruating at 13. I cycled monthly. It was no big deal. No big fuss. Every month for 20 years, except the 3 times of pregnancy. Then at 33, I suddenly experienced abdominal cramps, moodiness, headaches, swollen breasts, to name a few changes. I had no idea what was going on. I discovered pre-menstrual syndrome. I had a text book case. I found a new, female doctor that gave me some education and a simple solution. Get off caffeine. Reduce salt intake. Do something to sweat. Great. I was a 3 pot a day tea drinker and 2 liter bottle a day cola drinker. I quit. I walked around kicking things for a while, but I quit. All those symptoms went away, except the swollen breast. They plagued me for another 20 years.
In my late 40’s I got the itching and bitching and anger and depression and the forgetfulness. It was awful. My poor husband. Anger was our love – or lack of love – language. In that time, we became empty nesters. I was not prepared for no longer mothering our grown children. Both my parents died. I was not prepared for how my father’s death would affect me. We took over the family farm. I was not prepared for the increase of the administrative and financial responsibilities that fell in my lap. I had, on a whim, gone back to school. It gave me an opportunity to learn, which I love, and to write research papers. I wrote a lot of research papers. I chose topics such as depression in middle age women; sleep apnea; para menopause; patterns of anger in my family of origin. I was, after all, studying counseling.
I have come to realize that much of my writing was from a wounded spirit. From the pain inside of hurts and memories that kept me reliving the past. I have received an incredible amount of healing in recent years. Much of this healing has come through writing out my stories; through giving over to God the painful memories; from receiving and giving forgiveness. When God spoke to me that day in the kitchen saying, “If you take your life, how can you tell married couples that I am enough”, there was a paradigm shift in my thinking and then in my feelings and then in my words and actions. I wrote out many of the painful stories in a book project I have entitled Surviving Menopause: One woman’s journey from anger, depression and suicide to peace, joy and purpose.
I became officially post menopausal at the age of 53. That same year I interned at a pregnancy center and shared my faith journey with countless women in unplanned pregnancies. I was invited to go to India to see what God was doing. Was I ready for a new adventure; was I ready for God to begin to shape and change me from the inside out; was I ready to stand before audiences of hundreds and thousands to share my faith and teach about God’s love for women? I guess God thought I was ready, because that is where I ended up. That is another ongoing book project.
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